Speech delivered by Shayne O’Brien at the Commemorative Lunch
This is the text of a speech written and delivered by Shayne O’Brien at the commemorative lunch at Centennial Vineyards, Bowral on Saturday 10 June 2023. The lunch was to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the death of Shayne’s mum Cecilia and his brother Kevin, who both died in 2003, and to honour his father John (Jack) who died in 1985, and his brother John who died in 2008. To view the video of the speech, click here.
Tributes to Dad, Mum, John and Kevin
I became very conscious of the many and varied experiences and recollections you’ve all had with these loved ones over the years. The importance of hearing your thoughts and memories has prompted me to invite you to share your recollections and anecdotes with us all, at the end of this delivery.
It’s no easy task to speak meaningfully about our parents and siblings, their lives have been an integral influence in our development, and we come together today to honour them and express our sentiments and recollections on their input into our lives. This presentation will, in many instances, highlight the light-hearted experiences of these family members, which is in no way intended to trivialise or diminish their importance.
The presence of so many family members here today, speaks to me loudly about the regard and the connectedness all of us had to these wonderful people.
It is also apparent to me that, you all enjoyed a special bond with these family members, and the memories that each one of you have, remain richly valued components in your lives.
I would like to take this opportunity to express my thanks to Mary and Rod for organising this important occasion; they have afforded us the opportunity, to not only reflect on the lives of important family members but also to reconnect with family members who have not been in contact for a considerable period of time.
Thank you, Mary and Rod and other family members who have assisted with this initiative.
Mary and Rod Zabell
It is my intention to speak about each of the family members individually, remembering that each person interacted to create an environment of love, trust, loyalty and commitment which we value so much in our family lives.
Dad was reared on a small wheat farm near the town of Junee Reefs near Temora and as the oldest male in the family had the responsibility of assisting his father in the many cropping and pastoral activities on this small farm.
How our grandparents raised 12 children on such a small farm amazes me and reminds me of how resourceful and frugal they must have been, especially during the great depression.
Irene, Bill and 11 of their 12 children (Allan died during the war)
1947 Mary’s wedding day
Stories abound about Nan rising at around 4:30am to cook scones and damper for the school children and at grain harvest time, while the menfolk rounded up and harnessed the horse teams for hitching up to the ploughs and harvesters or the sulky and wagons.
All these recollections evoke pleasant and special memories of the pioneering exploits and the daring day to day living activities of our forebears. These were busy and rewarding times for families; they were tight-knit units, relaxed and faithful and relied on each other to make the whole day to day working operation run as smoothly as possible.
Dad in his early days had a life-changing experience when he flew with Charles Kingsford Smith, one of the famous aviators of the time.
[Note from Rob – This may well have been the day that Jack flew with Charles Kingsford Smith in Wagga. He would have been 15 years old.]
Daily Advertiser (Wagga Wagga) Friday 3 November 1933
SIR CHARLES KINGSFORD SMITH AT WAGGA
By courtesy of Mr BJ Dunn, Sir Charles Kingsford Smith will land at Dunn 's paddock four miles from Wagga, on the Oura road, on Sunday morning at 11 o'clock. Passenger flights will me made throughout the day in the Southern Cross and Percival Gull planes, and a DH-50 biplane. The Southern Cross Midget will also conduct flights. The planes will leave for Victoria on Tuesday morning, when an extensive tour of that State will be commenced. Owners of cars are requested to park their car on the Oura Reserve adjoining the flying ground, where refreshments will be available, the proceeds going to aid the Wagga District Ambulance.
This exciting adventure ultimately led to Dad joining the RAAF.
After training at Point Cook, Dad became a Bomber pilot and was deployed to Kota Bharu on the Malaysian Peninsula. His exploits in the air, during WW2 and in the various sorties he was involved in, became the stuff of legends and are recorded in official records and the war documentaries of his squadron.
His daring actions were recognised, and he was awarded the Air Force Cross, while many of his colleagues believed he should have also received the DFC, but unfortunately all the records were lost or destroyed when Singapore fell to the Japanese in 1941-2.
After the war, Dad and Mum purchased Tilbuster on the Northern Tablelands near Armidale, where Dad pioneered the production of fat lambs, despite being told that the country would never support this type of animal production. At this stage in the early fifties John, Mark, Shayne and Michael had already been born and were subsequently joined by Kevin, Elizabeth, Mary, Gerard and Andrew.
These were difficult times on the land. Low commodity prices coupled with credit squeezes and financial restraints meant that economic issues became the dominant difficulties confronting most landholders. In spite of all these difficulties Dad and Mum set about to ensure that we all had a good education. They believed that this strategy would insulate each of us against the bitterness of depressing economic downturns and workplace uncertainty. Most of us ended up in the education industry which pleased Mum and Dad immensely, and I suppose, validated their decision to ensure that each of us had a good education and a reliable career.
Dad was an avid sportsman. His obsession with cricket and tennis meant that the menfolk in the household dominated the TV viewing around the Tests and the Australian Tennis Open.
[Note from Rob – This is from an article I found called “Memoirs and Journey of a Cricket Tragic” by Kevin Pike, whose family lived in Armidale, and whose father (Walter Pike) was a friend of Jack O’Brien.]
One of Dad’s great friends was John O’Brien, who was also like my father, a dedicated family man, and both raising large families in Armidale. John was a lovely, big bear of a man. He was a well-known grazier in the area, and owned Tilbuster Station and played with Easts Cricket Club in Armidale. I had the good fortune to play against Easts B Grade at the Sportsground in 1978, in the very first match after the wicket had been re-laid. John was captain of Easts, and enjoyed playing with the youngsters. John must have been around 60 years of age at that time.
It was good to see him again after several years and for some reason our conversation came to comparing the merits of both golf and cricket.
“Kevin”, he said, “you can bowl that red leather ball at me as fast as you like and I will hit that moving ball every time, but try as I might, do you think I can hit that little white golf ball on the ground standing still!”. It was a pleasure to play John that day.
We enjoyed the luxury of a tennis Court near the homestead and Dad introduced us to his top spinning kicking serve which always reminded me of a whirling dervish. The ball would kick and fly off in all directions leaving us swinging our racquets in free air.
At mealtimes if one of us spoke out of turn whilst eating we would get a clip over the ears. This arm would snake out rather like the arm of Inspector gadget and flick us around the ears which quickly had the desired calming effect.
Inspector Gadget
We holidayed on occasions at Yamba and the Gold Coast, and I recall an instance when Dad was sunning himself on the beach, whilst watching us in the water. His extensive hairy back appeared to attract a large diabetic Labrador which proceeded to urinate on everything on the beach and took a particular liking to what seemed to it, to be a native tree trunk. Dad let out a mighty roar along with a bracket of expletives and raced away to join us in the surf.
Dad was generally an even‑natured gentleman but when working sheep-dogs on the farm his character underwent a form of transformation.
I recall an instance when Dad was penning up for shearing and “Horrie” our number 1 sheep dog wasn’t obeying instructions. At the time, our wool-classer shared the same name as our illustrious sheep dog and when Dad let fly with a bracket of expletives the wool-classer thought he was being singled out. With his wool-classing confidence now in tatters, the wool classer’s reactions and uncertainties entertained all of us who were working at the wool classing tables at the time.
Dad was a good and honest man who toiled long and hard to ensure we all had the opportunities to make wise decisions and progress through life. He and mum stressed the importance of education and became very involved in community service. Dad was elected a councillor on the local Shire, while mum served mostly unobtrusively on school P&Fs, school boards, charitable organisations, the local Eisteddfod Society and later on, after the children were reared, became very involved in landscape art. Mum had a passion for the arts and over the years instructed Elizabeth and Mary and Gerard in piano and violin and was a continual force urging her pupils to improve and practice their instrument of choice. Both girls attended the Conservatorium of Music and became very adept in their performance and practices in music.
Mum’s prowess as a tasty cake-maker was legendary, and she became a sought-after provider of delicacies for family and friends.
Tilbuster spread
Her sponge cakes were “out of this world” especially her cinnamon sponge and on one occasion became the payment for farm management services provided by my brother-in-law. We believe this was one of the first workplace enterprise bargaining agreements negotiated in the north and north-west. The transaction took place after Church when several large boxes of sponge cakes and slices were unloaded from the Falcon and accepted with delight by my brother-in-law. When he returned to his property, he had to stand guard duty on the boxes to protect the delicious contents from the local predators.
Breakfast at the O’Briens was a feast and often involved lambs fry and bacon, eggs and bacon and chops as well as rolled oats and other special delights. It was hard to actually rise to one’s feet and waddle out to work after one of these massive breakfasts and we adopted the expression that there are only two servings where Mum was involved “BIG AND BLOODY BIG”.
It would take half a day to digest these feasts, but we would still come back at lunchtime to tuck into sandwiches and cakes, which were precursors/appetizers if you like, for the mighty baked dinner at the close of day. When all of us were home, Dad would slaughter about 2½ lambs a week which in today’s currency equates to around $650 a week.
Mum and Dad both subscribed to the theory that if you laid a good nutritional foundation, good health outcomes would naturally follow; whilst nonchalantly disregarding the likelihood of weight gains and mobility issues, preferring instead, to indulge all of us with generous and frequent servings of Tilbuster kitchen delights.
Mum was a complex and loving personality.
She spoke directly and forcefully about issues when they arose, and her logic and argument was in part a derivative of her strict and rigorous upbringing and schooling. Mum was educated at the Presentation Convent in Wagga Wagga and as parting advice to the girls at their graduation, Mum was advised to draw an imaginary circle around herself and let no man enter the portico.
“Girls, this is the imaginary ‘man proof’ circle we’ll be discussing after lunch”
Fortunately for us, Dad’s air-force officer charm and his noble persistence broke down any barricades formed in Mum’s mind by this graduation edict. The arrival of 9 children are the magnificent results of this lapse in obedience to the Presentation Sister’s parting words of advice.
Mum and Dad were married on the 25th of April 1942 and with the war-time travel restrictions in place, had their honeymoon in the Blue Mountains at the Carrington Hotel which was the go-to accommodation venue in those days. They travelled to their destination by train and when alighting from the train Dad ordered a taxi to take his blushing bride to the hotel. Swelling with pride and confidence, Dad with great gusto, said to the taxi driver, “to the Carrington, my good man” but failed to see the cheeky smile on the face of the cab driver. The cab driver loaded his passengers and the luggage, did a Uturn outside the station and unloaded his passengers on the other side of the street, at the entrance to the Carrington Hotel.
John was born in 1943 whilst Mum and Dad were in the RAAF and was soon to be followed by Mark and myself in 2-year intervals. John and Mark quickly adjusted to life in the armed services.
On one occasion the officer in charge contacted Mum on the base to advise her that John (5) and Mark (3) had gone to the Officers’ Mess, sat up on the barstools and ordered 2 beers from the bartender. The bartender couldn’t believe just how confident and practiced the two boys were in breasting the bar, an attribute, I might add, both parties have zealously maintained over the years.
Over her lifetime of rearing our family, Mum would have experienced the laundering of nappies from 1943 with John’s birth, to 1964 with Andrew’s arrival and thereafter until toilet training had been completed. Andy was always a fast learner and would have been out of nappies after 12 months, leaving a total of 22 years Mum was washing cloth nappies. There were no disposables in those days. These motherly, hygiene and nutritional services continued with the making of cut lunches for approximately 35 years. The magnificent sandwiches were the envy of many of our classmates and over the years would have exceeded 25,000 in number (that is, over the time the children were attending school).
Mum and Dad retired in 1985 and moved to Gerringong but Dad suddenly passed away in 1985. Mum lived on in Gerringong until she decided to move to the Mayflower Retirement Complex. Mum passed away in 2003 after a long battle with dementia. Both Mum and Dad are interred in the Gerringong cemetery.
John commenced his education at our local primary school at Tilbuster where, it is reported he refined the gentlemanly art of pugilism against all comers from the nearby village areas. Later on, after this energetic introduction to public school education, John attended Inverolachy Agricultural College located on the southern Highlands.
Inverolachy Agricultural College
He won a scholarship to the Armidale Teachers’ College and became a geography and Agricultural teacher. He was a very capable athlete, winning many middle-distance events, but his preferred sporting activity was Rugby football. He and the team enjoyed considerable success winning the Armidale Rugby Tournament on several occasions. His first teaching appointment was to Dorrigo where he met Del Tarlington, the girl of his dreams. They were married and had 3 terrific children Peter, Matthew and Angela.
After various postings around the state they settled in Cooma where John had the good fortune to win a sizeable prize in Lotto. They purchased properties, eventually settling on a block on the Canberra side of Cooma. Del continued teaching, becoming the headmistress at Bombala Catholic School, while John dabbled in running newsagencies, trucking and other businesses, before succumbing to cancer in 2008. He is buried in the Canberra (Gunghalin) cemetery.
John attached a great deal of importance to families, enjoying family celebrations and would no doubt be smiling down on us and applauding our decision to hold this commemorative occasion. He is fondly remembered at this time.
John O’Brien
Kevin was born on the 13th of October 1952 and quickly became a very special character in the O’Brien household. In his early days he was quick to adapt to varying situations; on one occasion Grandfather T.M. Flanagan – that is Mum’s Dad - was in the outside rest room attending to his toilet and Kev opened the toilet door and offered to wipe Grandfather’s bottom. Two-year-old Kev had a look of intensity and determination on his face and the old chap dissolved into raucous and hilarious laughter which attracted Mum to find out what was happening. T.M. was so absorbed with Kev’s generous offer and his own merriment that he didn’t realise that he was very much on show.
Kevin was highly intellectual and gifted with a very retentive memory.
Kevin O’Brien
It was no surprise to us that he gained entry to UNE to study English, History and the Arts. He boarded at college in Armidale and would on occasions run home and cook a midnight feast of lamb chops and eggs and go out to his office and study. One particular night the sheep dogs commenced howling and barking and despite much verbal abuse from Kevin, continued to annoy him and interrupt his research. In the end, Kev grabbed his repeating rifle and fired a barrage of shots in the general vicinity of the dog compound. Silence, then ensued from the dog compound. Upon inspection in the morning, one of the offending hounds had a neat bullet hole through its ear, while Mum and Dad had to be peeled off the bedroom ceiling to recover from this midnight mayhem.
Dogs were a major problem for graziers in those days with marauding packs, mauling and killing lambs and ewes.
Kevin took on the role of protecting our livestock from these marauders and on one occasion shot several dogs and pursued another to its home in the nearby village. The offending animal crawled under the house and Kevin promptly followed it and shot it under the house.
Kev taught English and History in many different areas and met Susan McGeechan in Crookwell, married and reared a family of 5 terrific boys - Simon, Liam, Nathanael, Eugene and Dominic - in their home in Erowal Bay.
He remained an English and History teacher whilst in the Nowra area and especially enjoyed fishing and outdoor activities.
Unfortunately, Kev’s health deteriorated in the 2000s and he succumbed to these conditions in 2003 not long after Mum had passed away. Kevin is also buried in the Gerringong cemetery.
We are very proud of our family and our Irish ancestry and in particular the emphasis given to family togetherness and maintaining these connections.
I am comforted and reassured that this gathering epitomises these family loyalty sentiments, idealised by our forebears; and on their combined behalf, I would like to extend an Irish Blessing to one and all and along with it, our gratitude to each of you for honouring Mum and Dad, John and Kevin’s memory in such a fitting way.
The Irish Blessing:
May the roads rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rains fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again
May the Good Lord hold you
Gently in the hollow of his hand
Written and delivered by Shayne O’Brien, assembled and augmented by Rob Landsberry, last modified 13 July 2023