Eulogies for Margaret Bourke

5 January 1955 – 20 March 2018 - Mortlake Crematorium - Wednesday 4 April 2018 at 9.30am

Entry Music: ‘To Love Somebody’ (The Bee Gees)

Welcome & Introduction

Stop the clocks. Put away your watch. Switch off your mobile phone.

For as long as we’re here, this place belongs entirely to Margie B and to all of you who knew and loved her.

You may not all know one another, yet here you are, brought together by the magical pink drawstring that is Margie. For each of you in this room, she touched your life and made a difference to it.

Yes, you’ve been affected by her death, but you’ve also been affected by her life – and this is the point.

Today is not about death. It’s about life. Margie’s life.

Though we’re here in sadness – letting go of such an amazing woman is just NOT going to be easy – her family wants this to be a celebration of their wonderful, unique Margie.

Good morning and a very warm welcome.

Thanks for coming to this ceremony honouring the life of Margaret Mary Bourke.

You may have known her by a variety of names. As her family has lovingly planned her service, here she’ll be variously referred to as Margie, Margie B or Mum.

My name is Victoria, and it’s my absolute privilege to lead her service, but most of that will be down to her loving family who all wish to pay personal tribute to Margie.

Margie’s family is grateful you’ve made the effort to get here so early – especially those who have travelled far – thank you.

Margie and her family have themselves travelled a long way to be here – much of it driven by her, probably not the last you’ll hear of her driving everyone on, except literally of course. Hugh was always the designated driver in their relationship, so that Margie could fully enjoy the party.

In a moment, we shall hear more about Margie…sing her praises, pay her tribute, and fit in a few songs specially chosen for her.

Of course, her personality, character, achievements and life are far too big to fit in the short time we have here. But you can carry on afterwards – from 11am you’re all very welcome for morning tea at the Red Lion in Barnes. Details are on your orders of service. There you can keep talking about Margie, remembering and sharing your favourite stories.

Margie was born in Sydney to parents, Cyril and Mavis O’Brien, the fourth of their six children.

A happy childhood. Still a teenager when her family moved to Newcastle.

In her twenties, Margie married Avri Ashkenazi.

Their daughter, Jordana, was born but she was only 3 when her father died.

Life was tough for widow and single mum, Margie. But she was tougher.

Seeking more opportunities in Sydney with friend and fellow single mum, Annette, they moved into a house in Chatswood.

Margie got work as account assistant at Nestlé, ending up as their Finance Manager. Margie was like cream – always rising to the top of her work.

She took the quiet Hugh by storm!

With her knack for beautifying houses, she turned his Crows Nest pad all pink and white – her favourite hues for Hugh – he remained undeterred.

In 1988, they eloped to the Gold Coast to be wed – Margie in a pink dress, and a huge pink stretch limo.

Their son, Finnian, was born in 1989. They moved to Lane Cove.

Daughters, Tierney and Fallon, four and five years later.

3 years ago, Margie was thrilled to become a grandma to Aria.

Now, Margie continues through the lives of her family. You are the threads going on into the future.

Her voice, her values, her power; her love – these things you carry with you.

Hold onto that thought during times when you miss her most, it will keep you strong.

Music for Reflection

Memories are personal, reflection of them is private.

Take a few moments now to be with some of yours while we hear a song.

“Viva la Vida” (Coldplay)

Family Tributes

Now, I want to hand over to the ones who know Margie best – her loving family. First, Hugh.

Hugh

Thank you all for being here today to support our family and share our sadness and grief.

It’s with saddened hearts that we’re gathered here today to mourn the passing of my beloved wife Margaret, mother of our 4 children, Jordana, Finnian, Tierney and Fallon, and to celebrate her life.

Margaret passed away peacefully in her sleep on 20th March last, at the Pembridge Hospice, Chelsea after being diagnosed with, inoperable, incurable cancer some 8 months previously.

We had just returned from a brief holiday in Switzerland and Italy in July when she experienced severe stomach pains and was admitted to hospital and after scans and tests was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer that would reduce her longevity, which regrettably was only 8 months.

Margaret was devastated with the news as she had beaten breast cancer in 2011 and had regular check-ups for it. She was determined to fight the new challenge with all her strength and beat it, just like she did with breast cancer.

At 63 years of age she felt strong and young at heart and up for the fight of her life.

That was typical of Margaret with a can-do positive attitude.

She was a force of nature, a social butterfly, effervescent, a party girl that loved life, loved her family and would do anything for them, never put herself first, worked extremely hard to provide for us.

She was a wonderful mother to our children and did everything in her power to ensure they grew up to be independent and respectful and imbued with a family spirit.

She loved them unconditionally and they have returned that love in spades.

Finnian travelled from Aus three times since she was ill to be with his Muma to say his last goodbyes, before she faded away. Unfortunately Finnian couldn’t be with us today to wish her farewell, but I know he is here in spirit with us.

Margaret loved life and family and lived it to the fullest, loved to travel, loved her many cousins and friends.

She was an extremely elegant woman, loved colour and jewellery, an effervescent personality, made friends everywhere and made a positive impression on whoever she met.

She seemed to make friends for life, school friends, work friends, some of whom are here today.

She kept in touch with them constantly.

She loved working in London, she was such a romantic. She loved seeing the River, Big Ben, Tower Bridge, Houses of Parliament, on her daily walks to work over the bridge and say how lucky she was to be able to enjoy the experience.

She was held in high esteem for her ability and work ethic and her ability to grasp the concepts in new environments quickly. On learning of her passing, comments were received from one of her employers, on how she made a big impact on the culture of the organisation.

She loved to travel and in the 3 years or so here in the UK we managed to visit several countries in mainland Europe that were on her bucket list. She loved the scenery, the antiquity, castles, churches, she would light a candle in every church she visited.

She loved the historical culture of the UK and Ireland, the villages, scenery, castles and churches. She wanted to spend time exploring her Irish roots of the O’Briens near O’Briens Bridge on the Shannon, where her family emigrated from in the 1800’s.

O’Briens Bridge on the Shannon, County Clare, Ireland

Still to do on her bucket list – to share with me her love for Rome and Venice and a planned trip for granddaughter, Aria, to Lapland at the end of this year, and a life of retirement in Ireland to enjoy the peaceful surroundings in retirement.

Alas her life ended prematurely.

She was the love of my life, and I will miss her dearly.

She was more concerned how I was going to survive than her own survival and spent ages with the girls in planning where everything should go in the new house when we moved there.

It was to be our 30th wedding anniversary today and her great wish was to survive to celebrate it. Alas she was cheated out of that as well, but my wish is that she is still here with us in spirit today.

May you rest in peace, my darling, and may the angels wing your way to your rightful place in heaven to watch over us till we meet again.

All my love forever.

Rest in peace.

Jordana

Rest in peace my beautiful Mother and Best Friend.

After watching your torturous battle with cancer not only once but twice in your life, you were cheated and taken way too soon. Even when you were so, so sick you never let it show and you handled your horrendous situation like a true hero. You always cared about others before yourself and even when you were on your death bed you would still ask how we were and not even mention how sick you felt. Most people wouldn’t even be able to handle a day of what you just went through, but you did months.

I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, being the best Mum a girl could ask for and one of the best humans that I’ve ever met. Judging by the flowers, cards and messages we’ve received, you’re also one of the best humans that so many have ever met. You, Margie B, were something else and I just don’t think there are many like you on this planet.

You lit up everyone’s life and just added sparkle wherever you went. You were the epitome of positivity, courage, charisma, class, honesty, integrity, love, kindness, thoughtfulness, power, strength, intelligence, happiness, and joy, and have made such an impact on so many people’s lives with these qualities.

I hope that one day I can be even half the person that you are and that my daughter will inherit these qualities from you. Mum, this is more, so much more than losing my Mother and all I can say is that my heart is shattered into tiny pieces and there will not be a heartbeat, a second, a minute or an hour of any one day from now on that I won’t be missing you from my life. You were everything to me and I just hope I can now somehow find the strength to carry on without you and that maybe one day I can be happy again even though you’re not here with me.

Goodnight Precious Angel, I’m glad that you’re no longer in pain and I pray to God that we meet again.

I love you Mum and Aria loves her MeMe so much too.

If only we all had more time.........

Fallon

I thought I saw you today.

A blonde, smart cropped haired woman dressed elegantly just like you. Black boots, knee high. It took me a while to realise, it was just another living her life. See this all still doesn’t feel real. I feel like you’re just gonna pop up and say hello, steal the room with your effervescent glow, your voice a warm tone that I’ll never not know. But you’re not. You’re gone from this earth and have moved on. Your next journey, it’s just begun. I’d love to know where you end up, whose lucky lives you get to touch. They are blessed, just like your family, your friends and all the rest.

Witnessing you fading I waited every day in anticipation praying, praying you would ignite, get up, light up my life, be okay just for one last time.

To share a wine, put on Elvis, and sing the songs you thought were ‘divine’. You loved that word. It was encompassed in your every turn.

If only I got another 20 or so years. Is that greedy for me to wish your mind and body was still here? But if I doubled the time I had with you I would trade anything in my life to get that back. Maybe I would even trade anything just for a day. Just to have you once more, to hold your hand, hear your voice and for you to tell me “everything’s gonna be okay”.

And don’t forget a final drink, drinking your favourite bubbles, the ones that are pink. I will never love anything as close to how much I love you. My now empty heart that sits beneath my chest will be full again I know. With every memory I look back on where you were there, I’ll forever build up and rid the pain that lays bare.

There’s no love like a mother’s they say, but Mum there was no love like yours in any way. You always called me your cherub and you will forever be my angel. Fly free, you beautiful soul. I hope the winds are gentle as you were to all.

Finnian

It is with great sadness that we mourn the loss of the greatest woman I could ever know, as she has lost her fight with peritoneal cancer. There were many who have met her in the past and were instantly impacted by her charm, hospitality and presence.

This woman was not only the life of any party but has been an intrinsic inspiration to my life in so many ways that everywhere I look I see elements of her, both in my home and in my day to day actions. She’s part of me so effortlessly that although I may not be a religious man, it would be hard to shake the fact that she is "always around me". So whenever we celebrate from here-on-in, we will always fill that glass for her and as the saying goes: "Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but forever in their hearts"...so it will always be the same from us. And whatever journey you are on, may the adventure rise up to the standard that is required of such a titan.

You will be missed.

Love you Mum.

Tierney

Mum, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is say goodbye to you.

I’m relieved you’re no longer suffering but I miss you every minute.

I will never forget how much love you showed everyone you met, how much you loved life, and how much fun we had together. You were always such a ray of light.

I will miss sitting in the kitchen with you, drinking wine and listening to music.

I will miss getting calls from you, hearing your voice and how you always said, “hi darling how are you?” I could hear your smile in those words.

I will miss watching movies with you, going shopping with you, and just spending time together. I wish there was more time.

I’m sorry we never got to go to Disneyland Paris but I’m so glad we got to experience Las Vegas together and you got to meet Human Nature. I’m so grateful we got to have those memories.

I will always hold onto the hundreds of fantastic moments I have had with you, and I know you will still be there to guide me for the rest of my life. I’m so blessed to have been chosen by the angels to be your daughter. I hope you are proud of me. I love you.

Song for Reflection: “The Way of the World” (Tina Turner)

Farewell

It’s time to say a big thank you and loving farewell to Margie.

If you’re comfortable doing so, please will you stand?

Thank you, Margie B,

Thank you for your positivity, your can-do-ness.

Thank you for your courage, and sparkle and the joy you brought.

Thank you for your kindness and love.

Thank you for being so divine, Margie B.

Thank you for being YOU.

Dear Margie,

You have taken the road towards home.

May your journey be a sweet experience.

Thanks for sharing this life together.

Into the freedom of the wind and the sunshine, we let you go.

You will always be loved; you are missed so much; we want you to be happy.

Margie, go dancing, go flying; make your way home.

Song as curtains close: ‘Tender Hands’ (Chris de Burgh)

Closing Words

Nothing, of course, will ever replace your love for Margie. Nothing should.

Nothing can detract from the joy and beauty that she brought to your lives. Nothing should.

Nothing can possibly affect your memories of the happiness she gave you. Nothing should.

Nothing can take away the fact the world was better for Margie’s life. Nothing should.

Thank you, everyone, for being here today and being part of this small ceremony for Margie. Thank you for being part of her life.

As you go on your way, listen for her voice in your head telling you, everything’s going to be okay.

We will finish with this Irish Blessing for Margie B, always proud of her Irish roots.

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
May the rains fall softly upon your garden
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand,
Amen.

Exit Song: ‘Swearin’ to God’ (Frankie Valli)

Ceremony prepared by Victoria McKeegan (MICF), with tributes by Hugh Bourke, Jordana Ashkenazi, Finnian Bourke, Tierny Bourke and Fallon Bourke, photos added by Rob Landsberry, last updated 13 October 2023