Eulogies for Helen Horton, 2006
Our Little Mother - A eulogy delivered by Patricia (Trish) Hurley (Helen’s daughter), April 2006
At this difficult time when it’s hard to focus on anything but our family's loss, I need to share with you the very special thoughts Mum had for each and every one of us.
Even at a time when Mum should have been concentrating on her own situation, her thoughts, as always, were with her family.
Of Alan, Mum would say he was her strength. Even as a child, Alan showed tremendous maturity and a sense of knowing well beyond his years. He provided the strength Mum needed to cope with Dad's poor health while trying to raise a young family. Her tremendous concern for Dad during those anxious years was balanced by a sense of calm Alan brought to her.
In her last months, Al's strengths again provided the support Mum needed to endure her final days.
Pete. Pete was Mum's rock. He was always there for her and Dad. He never wavered from his commitment to be there for them both, and Mum was just so appreciative of that. Her knowledge that Pete would continue to be there for Dad after she had gone also brought her an enormous sense of comfort. A man of few words, Pete has spoken loudly through his actions, spending a lifetime caring for his parents and Mum wanted Pete to know she was thankful.
Dave was our cruiser. He brought a laid-back approach to the everyday flusters of any family, let alone a clan the size of the Hortons. Nothing was a bother or a worry and his approach to life and all of its little dramas was a calming device Mum admired. When Dave met his beautiful wife, Mum knew he had found his path in life and although that path had taken Dave to the other side of the world, she never felt closer to him.
In Max, Mum saw much generosity. Nothing that Mum asked of Max was too much trouble. Mum was especially proud of Max in that his generosity not only extended to his parents but also to his siblings. She delighted in the unique relationship she and Max shared, often saying with a wry grin "I don't know what I'm going to do with you Macky".
Anne-Marie was our peacekeeper. With the upheavals that every healthy family experiences, Annie was always the one Mum sought advice from. Annie also allowed Mum the opportunity to get niggling matters off her chest and it was a luxury Mum was thankful for. In her last weeks, Mum drew much strength from Anne's strong beliefs. Her final journey was made easier because of the strength and faith of her eldest daughter.
Mum used to say about Mark: "He'll be fine in life — he's an O’Brien." Mark was confident, ambitious and capable and Mum loved him for it. Those attributes have helped Mark through some difficult times, as has his faith. Despite the challenges, Mum always knew Mark would survive. But he did much more than that ... he grew. And Mum couldn't have been prouder of the man he became.
Marion was always Mum's Cinderella. During Mum's years of ill health, Marion became a surrogate Mother to Mum's angels — not that it was Marion's responsibility, she simply saw the need and fulfilled it. That devotion has continued throughout Marion's life and Mum felt blessed because of it, She felt great humility in Marion's chosen path and a great sense of accomplishment for Marion in becoming Mother Claudia.
Jenny. Mum was very proud of Jen. Very proud. She built a life with her husband in Gosford, creating a family and building friendships that remain strong today. Through all of the years and the experiences that people inevitably endure, Jenny has never changed. She is still the sweetest, most thoughtful person and Mum loved that Jenny brought those qualities to her home. In the darkest of days, Jenny was always a ray of sunshine for Mum.
Mum worried about all her children, but none more so than Jane. She would often speak of Jane’s sensitive nature and the concerns she had for Jane because of it. But Jane's sensitivity proved to be her strength when Mum needed it most. The gentle way she cared for Mum was only overshadowed by Jane's selflessness, leaving her family 14,000 kms away to spend those precious last weeks with Mum. Mum's last wish for Jane was for her to be happy, and to be comfortable with who she is.
Hels: Mum's little baby and her namesake. She grew into the wonderful woman, wife and mother we all knew she could be, and it brought great satisfaction to Mum. There was an openness about Hels that Mum loved. She also loved the display of affection that Hels brought to the family, a gift Hels was born with.
The Horton Clan, 2006
Of course, before family, before children, there was Dadda. Theirs was a partnership that spanned more than 50 years of marriage. More importantly they were soul mates. Their relationship was built on trust, love and devotion, qualities they passed onto their children. From the very beginning, they not only loved each other, they loved each other's company — be it going to the movies, playing sport, or, later in life, sharing their home at Lake Innes. Mum and Dad had a wonderful bond founded on mutual respect.
Helen and Ray, 1940’s
But there was another important ingredient in their relationship and that was their faith in God. It brought them even closer together. Dad was always there for Mum. And Mum summed it up beautifully in her final words to him: "You weren't too bad a bloke, Dadda."
For me, Mum and my relationship was built on trust, respect and companionship. Our many, many talks over the years were a gift I'll always treasure. Mum loved to talk about her family. It was her great joy in life. Her final wish was that we would all live in harmony.
These words are indeed an inadequate but heartfelt attempt to share some of her thoughts with you all. Mum loved each and every one of us. There were no favourites.
Her love knew no boundaries. Her devotion to family was unquestionable. We are who we are because of Mum.
May she live with the angels and watch over us all, forever.
A eulogy delivered by Alan Horton (Helen’s son), April 2006
Today we celebrate a remarkable life. Mum was quite explicit though — I don't want any fuss or fanfare; and be brief she said — how typical of Mum in charge in the nicest way ….until the very last. Naturally we shall respect her wishes. Dad has also asked that this tribute be brief, but not too brief.
I'm sure that we all have our particular memories of Mum. That after all is most important and how it should be because those memories shall remain with us always.
Unquestionably Helen conveyed a particular dignity, a warmth, serenity, joy, great poise and perhaps most notably modesty.
A wonderful host, a great organiser; we were all treated…and treated as equals. The O'Brien family were, and continue to be very close; Mum exhibited those characteristics of family and its importance.
The partnership Mum and Dad formed provided a loving and stable foundation for all eleven children under at times quite challenging circumstances; that compatibility and harmony inevitably shone through for all of us into adulthood.
Dad was reminiscing the other day. He said Mother told him after either the 7th or 8th child that at one stage she had wanted to be a nun….Naturally we are very happy that Mum chose to be Mum. There are a number of other quite amusing anecdotes, perhaps best left for the wake.
Helen had wonderful management skills - during those extended periods where Dad would be away working. When the pounds then dollars were short, she would find work or find a way to ensure we were all healthy and happy.
The extent to which the O'Brien family (her sisters, brothers and relatives) and close friends assisted cannot be measured. Christmas could come at any time for us kids thanks to their generosity.
In later years with Dad's illness, then ongoing health problems she shouldered much more responsibility for the day-to-day running of the home as well as the business of running a family. The occasional fire, flood, drought, mouse, and white ant plague — we had it all at Rouse Hill. No complaints; just got on with it. Lots of food; (Mum could always rustle up something special in quick order) good cheer and one another to share it with.
Port Macquarie (Lake Innes) — a sea change before it became fashionable. Mum was looking forward so much to a new home. A family effort culminated in a wonderful retreat and focal point to gather; it remains today. A testament to family co-operation.
And of course the tremendous amount of hard work by Dad — He still has his projects.
Helen retained a strong and abiding faith throughout her life. The Riverstone Parish, St Agnes, Christ the King Chapel, her Ministry work. Her involvement with a close circle of friends, family group, the tennis girls, and valued neighbours characterised her warmth and personality.
Helen and Joan shaping up for a “friendly” game of tennis, circa 1945
Her faith remained with her, and it became a beacon in dealing with her illness and in facing her decline. She demonstrated such remarkable composure and dignity.
Today, her surviving siblings are present — older brother Cyril, and younger sisters Gwen, Claire and Sister Anne.
Gwen, Claire, Cyril, Helen, Anne
Dad's surviving family his brother Len and sister Patricia are not with us due to ill health, however they are here in spirit.
Also our brother David and family, and sister Marion (Mother Claudia) could not be here today. They did however spend time with Mum and said goodbye only a couple of weeks ago.
To all extended family and friends on behalf of Dad and all members of our family; Helen, Jane, Jennifer, Patricia, Marion, Mark, Anne-Maree, Max, David, Peter, and Alan thank you so much for your kind thoughts, your prayers, cards, flowers and for being here to say goodbye.
As Mum would often be heard to say after Dad would ask the question and 'what do you think little Mother'? A slight pause would follow then the response with a grin - Yes, of course father!
Goodbye Mum.
Innes Gardens Memorial Park, Port Macquarie, NSW, Australia
Written by Patricia (Trish) Hurley and Alan Horton, compiled by Rob Landsberry, last modified 31 May 2023